fourteen

wow, two entries in one day. i guess this is the way it's going to be, i don't know when "inspiration" may strike.

I'm thinking about my friends. I feel sad. I must say i have a very close circle of friends, and i keep pushing the few i have remained away. So, i might just stay with one friend alone. or two, best case scenario.

We used to be about seven or nine, and one by one, we fell into darkness, or whatever. that is, relationships, girls, studying. I became estranged. i had nothing in common with them. we were a loud bunch. people shushed us in the buses. how things change in so little time. i think back then i felt sort of privileged. I thought, no matter what i have my friends. how could i let myself be deceived like that, especially since i had been betrayed before and again and again.

Anyways. I wanted to talk about that one friend who is always by my side and she's a girl and she puts up with whatever shit i put her through. She has a boyfriend, too. they're taking it slowly, or that's what she says so i won't slit her throat. i'm a possessive kind of guy, hahahaaaa...

We used to be very close, and still are, and have a good time when we're together and have these great conversations which are really rare around other people. pLus, she's very supportive of everything i do and say, and she's the only one who knows about the freinds i made out with (that makes me sound like such a whore,i'm not, i swear, for starters i'm still a virgin and will remain so for the rest of my life, you hear me? it's a promise)

I also feel very comfortable around her. I can burb, fart, whatver. She's cool. She's like a guy in a way, and boy, i think this turns out to be quite the praise. Ok, she's great, you get it. I should be feeling grateful. Well, I am. We just hang out yesterday, watching Muse concerts and drinking beers, then we watxhed 6 episodes of Sald Fingers etc.etc. At some point, I went out inthe balcony for a smoke. The city looked deserted. The roads were empty. it was Champion's League night, and yes we watched some of that too, eating gyros. we could be the perfect couple, no?

That's not what i meant to say. what i meant to say was, that, even though everything was so relaxed, and always is, i keep having this strange hole feeling inside me. like there's sth missing. Like some part was ripped out when i was a kid and was never replaced, and now there's always this phantom pain, this ache,t his itch. I can't quite describe it. Is it longing for sth i don't have? Longing for sth i had and lost? is the desire to see everything, do everything, be someone? Is it ambition? is it the TV ads feeding me with pictures of perfect bliss on foggy mountains, and bonfires on white beaches, images of perfect friendship, perfect love, perfect family. Is it greed, after all? Not appreciating the things u have, the people u have. always wanting more. wanting this perfect company of friends sitting around the fire drinking Carib, or NesCafe, or, wild, in a car, dancing from party to party. Even croissant ads have become too much of selling a certain lifestyle. The more and more and more lifestyle.

So we can nver be happy at what there's already in our reach.