Wake up. The radio is a constant mumble,or maybe drone somewhere in the backdrop.
I have to send an SMS to a friend to tell you her she can't come by today. I'm becoming excessively, increasingly antisocial.
"Mate, goodmorning. I have a lot of chores today so i won't be home. If anything's arranged for tonite i'll let u know."
Which is not completely a lie. I have to go to the P.O. and the supermarket and and and. I get bored alone but i get more bored when i'm around my friends, lately. People are always talking on the radio, so i turn it to a station where there's only static.
Under the static, though, a half-transmission of sth that sounds like Amy Winehouse. Changing again. Lounge summerish music.
I really have to go. And then I want to come back and melt away in front of the computer screen.
I began writing a story yesterday, but read it today while drinking coffee and having a smoke and i wanted to throw myself off the balcony.
In two days time i'm having an appointment with a therapist. That was one of my greatest aspirations in life. Now that is actually happening I don't know what to tell her exactly.
I mean, what it really wrong with me? But if she's good she'll be able to find out onher own.
I'm hungry. Haven't eaten since yesterday's lunch.
I'm out of ciggies. While I'm out, should i go buy some? I want to cut down.
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So yeah, that is life. we feel better once we decide and work towards that decision.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the shrink, it may take a few visits - it once took me about 3 visits to find out she was the wrong one for me, but that's OK because I learned a little of what I did NOT want.
And what to tell her, for me, a good session was one where could express a feeling that I had not expressed before, about some event (sometimes a recent event sometimes an older event)
love and light
- Steve
i'm concerned - like that therapist ate you or something?
ReplyDeleteit wouldn't fucking suprise me
i'm less willing to give them the benefit of the doubt than that wise dog/bloke above me
write some more
Steve,
ReplyDeleteit was such a boring typical procedure and i really couldn't make myself saythe things that pestered me. Suddenly they seemed...innocuous? I sat at the chair with my hands folded in my lap like a good boy and mostly nodded to what she was saying.Hm. Pictured it differently. But i knew i would be forced to be the good boy again.
Changeling,
ReplyDeleteI wrot esome more! I was prescribed some very mild anxiolytics that do NOTHING when i sometimes feel i want a lobotome. I should ask her if there are nay dtugs that make you act lobotomized.